不属于我的东西

当其他人都在兴高采烈地迎接他们的小生命的时候，又有谁会记得我们这些只能在一旁暗自伤心的人呢？如果他们没有亲身经历这样的事情，他们是永远都不会了解那是一种什么样的感受。我又有谁能倾诉呢？

每天在面书上看见朋友上载他们的小孩子的状况，我真的好羡慕哦！我也希望有一天我也能和他们一样在面书上载我可爱的小宝贝给大家看。可是我会有这一天吗？

我的小宝贝，我好想拥有你！你能不能来到妈妈身边呢？

Insensitivity

I think my boss is very insensitive towards my plight, despite him knowing my situation. I have a colleague who was pregnant and all he did was to talk to her about child-bearing stuff because his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl. They were always happily talking out loud in the office about all these stuff and totally disregard my feelings. Though I appeared normally, it doesn't mean I don't feel the hurt at all.

Worse still, now that the colleague had given birth, my boss wanted us to share to send a gift to her and he actually asked me to be in charge! I had to order the diaper cake gift and collect it from my friend. How insensitive can he be! 

Doesn't he know that every word that is pertaining to child-bearing is a torturous feeling for me? Doesn't he know that every gift that is pertaining to child-bearing just remind me of the brutal fact that I can't bear my own child?

I wish I could just leave this country and relocate elsewhere for the time being. To be as far away from people whom I'm familiar with because they only remind me of the painful thoughts of this child-bearing episode.

我只是想要个孩子！

我一直都很憧憬着有一天我会和我心爱的人组织属于我们自己的小家庭。我也一直很憧憬着有自己的小孩。我很想看一看小孩长得像不像我。忙了大半天，原来这些憧憬都是一场空。我很有可能永远都不会有自己的小孩。

我只是想要个自己怀胎十月生出来的孩子，为什么那么难？难道我会是一个不负责任的妈妈吗？接下来的日子，我不知道我要如何去面对这样的我？我只能停留在现阶段而继续生活。我失去了我人生的一大重心。我要如何推动我自己向前走而且活得比其他人更精彩呢？我这一生就真的无法体会做妈妈的感受吗？

我好累！我能不能就自私地只为自己着想，和他离婚然后再找另一个男生结婚生子呢？反正他对于有没有小孩都无所谓。

其他人根本没有办法体会我的感受。就算他们知道我的状况，平时也毫不忌讳地在我面前大谈他们的孩子经。每听一次，我就好难受！有时真的很不想去上班，为了就是不想听到他们老是讲一些有的没的。

我很想逃离这个城市。我快透不过气来了。