Thank you, God!

Dear God,

Thank you for having mercy on us! Thank you for creating this little miracle and allowing us to have this little miracle! 

Lord, I know all the obstacles are temporary tests of our faith in You. We will continue to trust in You for You are always here with us! Be not afraid for everything is possible with God! 

I wanna thank You again for blessing and protecting our little one! 

Almighty Father, I pray that You will continue to bless and protect our little miracle and bless us to have a safe, smooth, normal, viable pregnancy all the way!

I love You so much, Lord!

Amen! 

給寶寶的日記第二十二篇

寶寶：

今天媽媽很開心喔！因為你很乖，一直都有在聽媽媽的話。你今天的表現真的很棒喔！不愧是媽媽的好孩子耶！上帝也幫了我們不少的忙喔！上帝一直都有在照顧你、保佑你、守護著你，讓你很安全地在媽媽的子宮裡面成長。我們一定要感謝上帝一直在保護著你，知不知道？

因為根據醫生的推斷，你只有五個星期又三天大，暫時還看不到你的心跳。醫生要媽媽下個星期三回去再做掃描，到時你一定要讓醫生看到你強而有力的心跳喔！這也是你跟醫生、媽媽和爸爸說＂嗨＂的方式喔！

寶貝，你是上帝帶給爸爸和媽媽的奇蹟！撐住，千千萬萬不要放手喔！我們下個星期三見咯！：）

給寶寶的日記第二十一篇

寶寶：

你們還在嗎？那天是媽媽的錯！完完全全都是媽媽的錯。媽媽真的很後悔為甚麼那天要那樣做。寶寶，你們原諒媽媽，好不好？

爸爸和媽媽是很期待你們的到來的。我們等了你們三年！真的好不容易等到你們了，現在有又很害怕失去你們，因為一些數據對你們很不利。所以如果你們要在爸爸和媽媽身邊的活，一定不能放手，知道嗎？

這個星期五的掃描，一定要出現在媽媽的子宮裡面，大聲的跟媽媽、爸爸和醫生說＂嗨＂喔！你們要在媽媽的子宮裡面才能健健康康的成長。

God, I'm Sorry!

Dear God,

I've truly sinned through my own thoughts and actions on 13 March and 17 March that have resulted in today's plight.

I'm truly sorry and Lord, have mercy on me and please give me another chance to see my baby/babies with flickering heartbeats on 28 March.

Father, I don't want to lose my baby/babies for I've waited very long for them. I know I was at fault for not being careful and gave in to temptation. I want to redeem myself and I promise I will not sin again. God, please don't take my baby/babies away. Please continue to let this pregnancy to be a normal and viable one! 

I promise I will be a good mama if You are willing to let me continue to have this pregnancy.

Lord, have mercy on me and hear my prayers! Amen!

給寶寶的日記第二十篇

親愛的寶寶：

上個星期，你們真的是把媽媽給嚇壞了。自從媽媽知道自己懷孕了，爸爸和媽媽真的很開心！因為我們真的等了你們很久！

可是偏偏媽媽一直在流血。寶寶，你們要生長在媽媽的子宮裡面，知不知道？不可以跑到其他地方去，知不知道？上個星期，媽媽還住院了。

寶寶，不要讓媽媽擔心，好不好？答應媽媽，這個星期五在做掃描的時候，一定要出現在媽媽的子宮裡面跟媽媽說聲＂嗨＂喔！

媽媽也一直跟上帝禱告，請求上帝一定要保佑你們好好的！

寶寶，你們要加油到底，好不好？就算現在局勢看起來並不是很妙，但是媽媽堅信你們一定會在媽媽的子宮裡面出現！

寶寶，加油！加油！加油！

18dp2dt to 22dp2dt

18dp2dt (17 March):

Went to KKH to redo my blood test. Got the result and the HCG was at 1015.1. My spotting went downhill with red blood at 9 pm. I had pain on the left side of my lower abdomen. I couldn't sleep with the pain and decided to go to KKH O&G on Tuesday 5 am.

19dp2dt (18 March):

When I reached KKH O&G, they gave me a painkiller jab to ease the pain. They sent me for ultrasound scan at 8.30 am. They saw 2 masses adjacent to my right and left ovary. They were not able to determine what they were. They had me admitted to KKH for further observations. I was on IV drip the whole day as instructed by Dr Tan as I might need to go for operation. They were suspecting that it could be an ectopic pregnancy. I was also given antibiotics that needed to be injected into the veins. Oh my, that was real painful! The abdomen pain seemed to have stopped and the bleeding seemed minimal throughout the whole day. I had the best sleep that night in the hospital ever since ET.

20dp2dt (19 March):

Early in the morning, a doctor came to take my blood for the test and oh my, it was the most painful one so far. At 9 am, Dr Tan came to see me and said that the HCG level had dropped. My heart kind of sank. He only commented that sometimes in a twins pregnancy, the HCG level does fluctuate and he didn't want to take it as the gospel truth that it meant that the pregnancy is no longer there. However, he didn't want to rule out the possiblities of a twins pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, heterotopic pregnancy and missed miscarriage. 

21dp2dt (20 March):
Bleeding was very minimal. No abdominal pain. 

22dp2dt (21 March):
No bleeding and no abdominal pain. They took my blood again to test and my level went up to 1572.5 from 809.2. Dr Tan came to see me before I was discharged. He still didn't rule out the 4 possibilities and commented that an ultrasound scan will be able to tell. He also commented the rise in the HCG could be because we put in 2 embryos and they are independent. They secrete the hormones separately. 

My almighty God, please continue to bless my baby/babies and let this be a viable pregnancy for the next 10 months. Let my baby/babies show up in my uterus on the ultrasound scan on 28 March with flickering heartbeats. God, please make this happen! Lord, have mercy on us! In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, we pray! Amen!

16dp2dt

I went to KKH O&G on Saturday morning at 3 am as I felt that my spotting got a little worse. I made a call to TMC as I was warned by Dr Zou that KKH usually will not give progesterone shot for additional support. However, TMC told us that it would be hard for them to administer the shot by their GP since I'm not their patient.

As expected, the doctor on duty at KKH did not want to give me the shot when I requested for it. He used a speculum to check my vaginal and commented that my cervix was not opened. He only instructed me to increase my oral progesterone to 3 times daily instead of 2 times daily.

I had cramps on the lower abdomen after lunch and on Saturday afternoon at around 5 plus, the amount of blood seen on the toilet paper was quite substantial and I had to callDr Zou for help. She recommended a gynae, Dr Michele Lee and asked me to go to TMC.

After I reached TMC, the nurse was very friendly, registered for me and brought me to lie down on the bed in the treatment room while she called Dr Lee. Dr Lee decided to come down and see me. So nice of her to come and see me on a Saturday night and when I'm not even her patient! :)

After she arrived, again she used the speculum to check my vaginL and commented that my cervix was not opened. She said the spotting could be due to the placenta is developing. She administered the progesterone shot for me and gave me her name card and said that if my blood test result doubles today and KKH still doesn't want to give any additional support, I can go to her clinic to see her.

I have been monitoring my spotting ever since the shot and it seems to get better. 

The Judgement Day

Today is the long awaited blood test day. We reached KKH at around 10 am. My blood was taken at 11.15 am. I told the nurse that I had light pink spotting since last night and she smilingly told me that she would process my blood test as urgent in case I needed additional support. That was very nice of her, I thought! :)

While she was taking my blood, she told me that I have a very nice name and started telling me that she has three daughters, namely Cheryl, Celine and Christine. She said if she has a fourth daughter, she would name her my name. Wow that was quite a compliment, wasn't it?

After having my blood taken, we proceeded to the sperm bank to check with the embryologist on the number of frozen embryos. I was very delighted to find out that I have four embryos to be frozen - 2 grade 4 and 2 grade 3. The other 2 were arrested at D4 of culture. Think they were trying to culture them into blastocysts and the 2 didn't make it in the end. But I'm glad that at least my embryos were able to be of consideration to be cultured into blastocysts.

We went to IMM for lunch and at around 12.30 pm, I received a phone call from KKH that my blood test showed a BFP. HCG level was at 247.9. They asked us to go back to collect medicine. I also contacted Dr Zou and let her know that I had spotting since last night. She told me to ask for injection to support and I really did when I went back to KKH but the nurses told me that there was no need to have the injection. KKH only prescribed me with folic acid and oral progesterone to continue for support.

We went to Dr Zou and she advised if my spotting doesn't stop or gets heavier, I must definitely go to the private hospital to ask for injection to support as it is stronger than oral medication. She also said the timing is very important. KKH usually will not give injection to support. She was really very happy when I saw her because she has many patients who got a BFP this week. She prescribed me TCM to drink to 補血和補氣. She also taught me how to cook lotus roots and glutinous rice porridge to help stop the spotting.

I truly want to thank her for her patience all this while. 

I also want to thank my Lord for answering my prayers! Thank you for being so kind to me and have mercy on me for this IVF journey! Thank you for letting me have a safe, smooth and successful journey thus far! Please continue to bless us with a very positive blood test result and higher HCG level on Monday. Also I pray that the scans to come, we are able to see our 2 lovely twin boys growing healthily and strongly inside me! In the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. Amen! 

I want to thank DH for accompanying me to all TCM sessions and medical appointments in the midst of his busy schedule.

I want to thank my 2 strong babies for fighting very strong inside me. Babies darling, I know you have heard mummy said we must fight till the end even though all the odds are against us! That's the spirit of our family! 加油， 寶貝！

給寶寶的日記第十九篇

親愛的寶寶：

你們還好嗎？爸爸和媽媽真的很希望能夠在十個月後看到你們。媽媽希望你們是健健康康的。不過現在你們的首要任務就是要牢牢地黏住媽媽。這樣才能確保媽媽是真的懷孕了。爸爸和媽媽好想帶著你們一起去環遊世界喔！

想不想跟我們一起去環遊世界啊？想的話，你們就要一直跟著媽媽，不要走丟咯！好不好？

Diet That I Have Been Maintaining After ET

These are the few things that I have been having after ET and I really hope they really help with achieving our ultimate goal and that is to have our baby/babies:

• Chicken essence with cordyceps from Brands
• 皇中皇 or 貓山王 durians
• 1 to 2 egg whites
• Red bean soup or 黑糯米
• Similac Mum milk
• Red dates and wolf berries tea
• TCM
• Lots of plain water

11dp2dt

Something that I saw today at West Coast Plaza kind of pissed me off a little. 

I saw this lady who seemed to be pregnant lit up a cigarette and started puffing away. I just don't understand since they are blessed to have a child, why don't they cherish them the proper way? I know I should not judge but I am feeling kind of imbalance psychologically.

Something that I saw on the forum spurred me up a little.

A lady who had no symptom like me got a BFP!!! OMG! I really hope I would be like her! Really hope God will answer my prayers! 

If God is willing, I'm ever ready to be a mama! :)

PS: Not to mention, I'm having diarrhoea right now. 4 times to the loo. My ass is splitting very soon! 

給寶寶的日記第十八篇

寶寶：

剛才媽媽哭了。不知道為甚麼哭。只知道哭了，人好像覺得比較好一點。可能媽媽一直都在壓抑自己的情緒。其實說真的，媽媽好害怕失去你們喔！不管三月十四日的結果是如何，寶寶，你們都要把媽媽撐住喔，不要讓媽媽倒下，知不知道？

你們知道嗎？ 媽媽每一天都跟上帝禱告，希望上帝能夠保佑你們兩個健健康康的成長。

寶貝，跟著媽媽，好不好？

Thanking God's Grace!

Whatever the outcome it is on 14 March, I just want to take this time to thank my almighty God in Heaven! 

God, I thank You for being with me all this while. You have made my first IVF journey a very safe, smooth and painless one thus far. I had not experienced any side effect when I was on Lucrin and Gonal F jabs, not even mood swings, not even pimples outbreak which I am very prone to.

You had made ER such a breeze for me. You blessed me with 8 fertilised eggs with 2 lovely embryos transferred into me. Though the embryologist said that the other 6 were under observation, I'm sure You will continue to bless them to grow well in the lab to be good enough to be frozen. 

ET was of no issue for me except for the controlling of the bladder. 

Thank you, Lord for giving me such a great journey thus far! 

Lord, have mercy on us and continue to bless our two little embryos to grow strongly and healthily even though I'm not showing any symptom. I trust You will do wonders in our lives! 

Thank you and I love You, Lord!

Amen!

8dp2dt

Honestly, I do not have a very good feeling since yesterday. Ever since that day I had mentioned that my body suddenly recovered overnight, my body condition has been very normal. Too normal to even feel/sense that I might be pregnant.

I had googled many times on the Internet and those who eventually had a BFP all had some symptoms but of course there were also many out there who didn't have any symptom got a BFP too. I tried looking out for such symptoms and sadly to say, I have none. The symptoms that I probably had was on 5dp2dt after having dinner at McDonalds. That night I had mild AF-like cramp at the lower abdomen and some twinges on and off on the right side of the abdomen and 1 or 2 twinges on the left side.

Other than that, I have been very normal. No bloating, no sore boobs, no nausea, nothing at all.

I refuse to test on any HPT as I do not want to be disappointed twice. 

For now, I can only trust my Lord to create miracle for us with His healing hands. 

There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. You will when you believe.

給寶寶的日記第十七篇

親愛的寶寶：

你還在嗎？你有聽到媽媽和爸爸跟你們說話嗎？自從那天陳醫生把你們放進媽媽的子宮以後，媽媽就一直很期盼你們的到來。

寶寶，你們要加油喔！媽媽之前的準備功夫，你都一直有為媽媽加油打氣！現在媽媽也在幫你們加油打氣喔！你要牢牢地抓住媽媽，千萬不要放手喔！不管有多痛，媽媽一定能夠忍住的。你不要擔心媽媽，好不好？

你們要健健康康的成長，也不要讓媽媽擔心，好不好？

5dp2dt

On Saturday which was 2dp2dt, I was woken up by cramps and very bad bloating in the middle of the night. I could almost feel that my skin was so taut and my abdomen was bursting and I even had night sweats. I woke up to go to the toilet a few times and when I lay back on my bed, I ended up tearing. The bloating seemed to go away on Sunday morning (3dp2dt).

Since I woke up in the morning (4dp2dt) to do my routine inserts of progesterone, I suddenly felt that my body had "recovered" overnight. There was no bloating at all, my breasts were back to normal. I just felt my body condition was really normal. I went for my last acupuncture at Dr Zou. She asked me if I felt bloated and I replied no. She didn't say anything. After my acupuncture, she felt my pulse and asked again if I felt bloated and I replied again no. She did not say anything. I then later asked her myself if I should be feeling bloated all the way. She said yes but commented that it was too early. The crucial days are the 6dp2dt and 7dp2dt. It wasn't very exciting for me to hear this from her as I thought all the bloatings were actually from the hormones drugs that I had injected into my body for the past one month and from ER and ET and I really thought I was getting better and proud of myself that my body is able to recover from all these side effects that fast. She prescribed me another week of TCM and I left her clinic.

Now whatever that she had mentioned to me is really making me paranoid and worried. I couldn't help thinking about what she said.

This morning after waking up to do my routine inserts, I still felt the same as of yesterday, no bloating and totally normal. Must I really feel bloated in order to have a BFP?

I kept talking to my babies that even though they are just grade 3 embryos in the embryologist's eyes, they are the best in my eyes. Even though Dr Zou commented that I should have grade 4 embryos, given my age and that i should feel bloated throughout the 2WW, I still think my embryos are the best! I recalled how I used to have an underdog volleyball team and nobody believed that we would be able to be the champion one day and we did it! I told my babies that even all the odds are against us, we must fight till the end until the final whistle is blown.

Dearest Baby Darlings,

Please stick with mummy and have faith in God and mummy that you will be fine. Trust in the Lord! God is with us!