Dearest Baby Darling,
Sometimes mummy feels that I am alone in this journey to have you. Daddy doesn't seem to care much about us. Mummy is getting tired and sick of daddy's unreasonable fuss. Sometimes mummy wonders if it is a blessing in disguise that we do not have you so that you won't get to see and experience all these roller coaster rides with us.
Mummy would really love to have you but sometimes I wonder since daddy is the one having problem and yet he is having such a fuck care attitude, why I should go through all the things, which require me to go through operations that I really dread having.
Today is your Aunt Jun's baby girl's full month celebration. Mummy is supposed to attend but I did not go. I am afraid that your other uncles and aunts will start asking me when I would like to have you. I am afraid that I will not be able to control my emotions with the fact that I can't have you because of daddy's condition.
Your maternal grandma said this is mummy's life that I can't have you. Do I really want to accept this as my destiny? I have always dreamt to have you and your 3 other siblings. This is just far too much for me to accept.
Last Friday we went to see a TCM doctor, who is recommended by a lot of people in the forum. Upon hearing daddy's condition, she expressed that she would not be able to help and ultimately daddy still needs to go back to see a urologist for his problem. Well another hope crashed!
If we are not going to do anything to have you, mummy feels that my life will be very empty. But how can we have you? So far nobody can really guide us to doing that.
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